A Successful Marriage, To Marry or Not To Marry

The guest are present and the preacher waits, with the groom, as the bride's maids, escorted by a groomsman, walk the aisle the bride will soon travel. Suddenly she appears. Happy and an eye to behold, her eyes never leave those of her soon to be husband. After the Pastor pronounces them man and wife, the deal is consummated with a kiss. Usually, there's some sort of entertainment, such as a reception, where guest and the married couple celebrate as man and wife. She tosses the bouquet, he tosses the garter and soon after, they make their get away to start the honeymoon, and hopefully, a Happily Ever After.

Then this question popped up...

"Have you ever seen a successful marriage? All I hear about are broken marriages, cheating husbands, and divorces. Not once have I heard about a long, fulfilling, and happy marriage. I am now thinking of giving up on the idea of getting married.

Understanding the concerns and fears of the person presenting this question, why should she get married? There are many controversies that are associated with a, "Successful Marriage." These controversies might include religious and cultural beliefs, how to raise the children, and the role each spouse would play in the marriage. Many couples--sometimes-- enter into a marriage with the misconception that they won't have problems or the marriage will be self-sustaining.

In order to support a certain quality of life, many people work diligently for their employers and do it for 20, 30, even 40 years. They wake up everyday with the mind-set that they have to get up everyday and perform at work. Why? They want to hold onto that quality of life for many years to come. Well, a marriage is no different. It requires work and a lot of it. However, many couples are not willing to work as hard on their marriages as they do at maintaining their employment.

Now we could create a new world trying to define what a successful marriage consist of; however, here are just a few ideas of how some might classify a successful marriage.

• Some couples rationalize duties and exercises when determining if a marriage is successful.

• Some find the success of their marriage by it being permanent and peaceful for their children in comparison to the marriage of their parents.

• And many make claim that a successful marriage takes place when the husband and wife remain intimate friends who share the same values and passion for life.

Clash of the Personalities

The personality of an individual develops just after birth. Those believing that they can, successfully, change the personality of their mate becomes frustrated when they can't.
New--and old--couples sometimes expect too much from one another. They allow little annoyances affect their emotions... emotions that act without the benefit of intellect. In many cases, these annoyances won't even matter 2 or 3 years from now.

What happens next? Well, many couples take the least path of resistence; they call it quits. They look for any excuse to turn and run for the hills at the first sign of trouble. They simply give up--too easily one might add. They don't make diligent efforts to work through their problems. Although health and safety reasons might be a good cause to end a marriage; couples should work harder, when possible, to protect the marriage and to keep it moving forward.

Entering into a marital relationship is one of the best things that 2 people can do; but, there will be disappointments. Actually it's un-healthy to even think that your marriage will be void of any problems. You would have to change who you are or expect your spouse to forget who they are to pull off a problem free relationship. And that's not fair to either of you.

Some couples define a successful marriage based on how long they've been together, others gauge it by how much adversity they have successfully worked through, and others base the success of a marriage from the picture perfect family; you know, successful jobs, children, and a big dog.
Clearly there are no fail-safe path to a successful marriage. It would be nice to close with a list of actions and perceptions that would guarantee a satisfying and successful marriage; but, I'm sorry--no such list exist.

Couples who love each other enough to take on the emotional responsiblity to consider marriage should not avoid getting hitched based on the marital relationships of others. It's true, there are couples who have had problems and have even failed at saving their marriage for one reason or another.

The bottom line is this...when 2 people find the person that they believe to be their soul mate, they should-- from the beginning--communicate often and openly about a variety of issues and concerns that might arise, without regard to disagreeing or disputing. And you'll definitely need to discuss the underlying messages about respect, authority and power. Although many people are waiting longer to get married, they still want to display their love and commitment to each other via the marriage connection.